WHAT: A truly righteous DJ
WHERE: Academy Nightclub
WHEN: Fri Feb 19

I’m totally gay for art. I also highly respect art appreciation - but sometimes it can go a little too far. Take the Matthew Harding art appreciation club for example. Daily meetings are held outside Devlin’s Chemist, on Harding’s work itself, in Garema Place. As myth goes, the club president actually stole System Of A Down’s album Steal This Album. Getting too involved so deeply is unhealthy, so I offer an antidote. There’s this gnarly DJ by the name of Chuckie playing around the corner. He’s fingered Lil’ Jon, David Guetta and Fatman Scoops’ pies, all with his excellent hip-hop influenced style. Go get a live taste of his forthcoming album!

WHAT: An excellent local band, for free
WHEN: Sat Feb 6
WHERE: Phoenix pub

I love Canberra and Canberra’s music scene, really I do. There’s this unspoken rule (which I’m speaking about) that you have to pretend it’s all really grand and never say a bad word about it. It’s like being a parent I guess, and that said, some local gigs feel like you’re watching your child plough his bike face first into a gutter. As of recent though, your untalented kid has shed some pounds. New birds such as DD’Goose, Assassins 88 and Kasha (to name a few) are making things interesting, however Voss are the ones nobody will shut up about. Go see why.

WHAT: Kasey Taylor (PORTUGAL) & Phil K (MEL)
WHEN: Sat Feb 20
WHERE: Hippo bar

So that head launch thing E. Honda does – can he fly? I’m not sure if Effigy Entertainment can answer, but what I do know is that they’re back in 2010 and aren’t wasting time filling your face with gigs. Phil K (who can fly) co-headlines the event with Kasey Taylor. Phil’s got technical mastery coming out the wazoo, earning his place as one of the world’s top 10 DJs, while Kasey is celebrating his 25th year of spinning people right round, round round. Come to this up close and personal shindig (only 100 tix available) and hundred hand slap with the best of us. Have you tried doing it? It hurts.

WHAT: Mother Nature Festival
WHERE: Rose Cottage
WHEN: Sat Feb 20 – Sun Feb 21

Kurt Cobain once said “Mother Nature is a whore”. Dead wrong, champ. Maybe you were too busy shooting horse and gunning your face off to realise that Mother Nature is in fact the rad bitch that grew your opium poppies. I suggest putting a request for leave in, and see if they’ll let your ghost out of hell so you can come celebrate her instead of being a goof. The beautiful Rose Cottage is the venue, hosting a huuuge array of snazzy dance music, as well as various activities, workshops and the soon to be famous Sunday Pool Party. Come bask in the sun at this genius festival.

WHAT: An awesome TV show in stage form
WHEN: Sun Feb 21
WHERE: Canberra Theatre Centre

Whenever I see a shooting star, I press my eyelids together and wish that anyone who publicly quotes the “Look at moi” line from Kath and Kim would be instantly water boarded. Not only is it a disgustingly overrated show, it takes away from good Australian comedy such as The Ronnie Johns Half Hour. If it was up to me, Heath Franklin’s Chopper impersonation would be mandatory viewing in kindergarten. And if religion makes you vomit blood, they do a delightfully blasphemous Jesus. That stuff’s always fun. But yes, the show has finally been transmogrified into stage form. Get your belly shakes on.