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Star Trek

Column: The Word on Films  |  Date Published: Wednesday, 10 June 09   |  Author: Megan McKeough   |     |  2 years, 7 months ago
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Sometimes, Hollywood attempts to take something previously delegated to nerd-dom and give it a sexy makeover. Usually, the result is an arrogant and horrible film. but J.J. Abrams, of Lost fame, has successfully revamped the original 1960s Star Trek series. The USS Enterprise is now hip, slick and sassy, and fresh-faced talents step into roles that made actors into legends. James T. Kirk (Chris Pine), a cocky genius no-hoper, enlists as a cadet in Starfleet, where he meets a variety of familiar characters. Naturally, when you’re boldly going places where no man has gone before, dangerous adventure ensues – life-threatening missions, wild space-jumping, black holes, sexual tension...all at warp speed. Star Trek generally pleases avid fans that usually scoff at Hollywood’s efforts to sell nerdiness to the masses, but also appeals to and entertains those who don’t know Star Trek from Star Wars. Why? Well, the young, attractive cast helps. Snappy dialogue, true-to-the-original set and zippy special effects also assist in propelling this USS Enterprise along the path to cinema awesomeness. Star Trek manages to be neither a haphazard fan vid of high brow in-jokes, nor a dumbed-down, over-sexed bastardisation of the much-loved Star Trek ‘verse.There are many clever moments and the premise sets the scene nicely for an entirely new set of future storylines, separate from the series. Basically, Star Trek is fabulously entertaining, wonderfully clever and terribly fun. See it. Twice.



Observe and Report:

Not having experienced Paul Blart: Mall Cop, it’s hard to comment on the similarities between it and this film. Having gashed my head open on gravel and glass when I was nine however, I can see how watching this movie is alike to that situation. This film is tacky, often discriminatory, unsubtle shit. The story follows Ronnie (Seth Rogan), a mall cop whose delusions of happiness seem to revolve around his penchant for hurting/shooting things. Writer/director Jody Hill attributes this terrible disposition to his bipolar disorder. He’s a scary, unbalanced individual with a chip on his shoulder. Observe and Report does for mental illness what Wolf Creek did for utes and akubras. It tells us that if you’re at a distance, point and laugh at the sufferer but don’t get too close, cause they’re violent bastards. Obviously cinematic history tells us it’s possible to make mental illness hilarious, but that’s when you laugh at situations that arise because of it. There’s no punchline to the scenario presented here. Ronnie’s angry and abusive – that’s the highlight of the comedy. As a character he has no redeeming features and is surrounded by a swathe of similarly dislikeable people. Even the wafer-thin plot of Ronnie pursuing a career as a cop doesn’t lead anywhere. On top of this, the scenes are punctuated by intense brutality which comes out of nowhere and jars terribly. Save yourself the price of a ticket to this film. If you really want to create the same effect, underscore Shindler’s List with a canned-laughter track. Oh the hilarity.

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Lesbian Vampire Killers:

There’s something very nihilistic about males making films about lesbian vampires. Maybe it harks back to their school days – watching some cheerleader strut around, knowing she would destroy them if they ever put their film geek hands on her. This celluloid examination of the subject concerns the little English town of Cragwich. Cragwich labours under an ancient curse that turns all its female inhabitants into lesbian vampires on their 18th birthday. It’s also the choice holiday destination for Londoners Jimmy (Mathew Horne) and Fletch (James Corden). Cue tits and teeth. Corden is undoubtedly the more talented of the two with delivery and timing head and shoulders above his co-star. That’s not to say he quite pulls it off though. Much more time has been spent on dialogue than plot in this haphazard script. The two merely move from one spot to the next, then back again, accomplishing little along the way. Most of the time these locations are intended to show off pearls of wordplay or sight-gags, ranging from the superb to the very, very weak.The sex is, predictably, based on a lot of teasing. In the end the bulk of the lesbianism is about on par with what you’d see in the middle of a circle of footballers at Shooters. Some great lines, a few good set pieces and plenty of eye candy make this passable but that’s not what you want out of a film like this. Shlock horror needs to be either absolutely brilliant or groan-inducing. After all, the only real way to foil a lesbian vampire, is with ambivalence.

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