Articles

The Dead Weather

Column: TidBits | Date Published: Wednesday, 17 February 10 | Author: Travis Heinrich | | 1 year, 11 months ago

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WHAT: Jack White’s new band
WHEN: Thur March 25
WHERE: ANU Bar

I have never heard this band, and I’m not going to pretend I have. Jack White is the drummer, and I won't attempt to feign any writer’s cred by omitting that fact. Hell, it’s about the only reason you’re going isn’t it? Or have even heard them in the first place. Maybe not, maybe you’re from opposite land (where sandwiches eat people) and don’t care about Mr. White and are just going for the music. Hahaha! Nice try you duded-up egg sucking gutter trash. So go, shell out your hamburger flipping money and buy a ticket. They’re probably good, right?

	Deep Sea Arcade: WHAT: Sydney’s favourite psychedelic sons WHEN: Sat Feb 20 WHERE: The Front Gallery Deep sea ‘video’ arcade? Or is it arcade, as in those shit shopping arcades in Manuka? They always tricked me as a kid. I strutted in, preparing myself to Hadouken Blanka’s face when all of a sudden I’m surrounded by mini jewellers and tailors. Back to video games – The Action bus hold music sounds like the cave levels in Donkey Kong Country. Go on, call up and cram their phone system to find out. Action has done pretty much everything they can to ass themselves up, so don’t feel bad. Anyway, go see The Deep Sea Arcade. Apparently they sound like The Kinks and/or The Zombies. That’s enough reason to go.
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	You: WHAT: Indyfest 2010 WHEN: Sat March 6 WHERE: McGregor Hall, Acton You’re going to go back to uni this year thinking ‘this is the year I’ll buckle down and focus’. Pfft, nice try Fake Gyllenhaal. Your ceramic Yoda head bong won’t get any cobwebs – that’s a certainty. Two weeks after it starts is when you’re first going to realise this, and what better way to celebrate than by heading down to the 20^th Indyfest. The venue is thrifty, and it’s a nice way to douse your ears in great local music such as Julia and the Deep Sea Sirens, Fun Machine, Rafe Morris and buckets more. In an unrelated fact, this is also Shaq’s birthday.
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	The Justin Walshe Folk Machine: WHAT: Folk-Country extravaganza band WHEN: Sat Feb 27 WHERE: The Phoenix I’ve heard this guy is ‘folk for people who don’t like folk’. The methadone of the folk world? “C’mon man, just one more E chord, just ONE MORE MAN!” Get that lighter away from that spoon buddy, you’re gonna need it to play on your leg! I like folk, and after hearing a few tunes, I’ll happily announce that it’s also safe for our kind. Don’t be so quick to share a DJ’s needle with a crowd of yuppies; come see something more intimate at The Phoenix – Canberra’s best venue (hands down) for smaller acts. Go kiss some grits! Slap your hands until they get an AVO out against you.
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	Gimmeh your things. And I a-gimmeh you mine: WHAT: Free things WHEN: Internet O’clock WHERE: www.yoink.com The best things in life are free yeah? Like friendship, love, happiness, mobile phones, TVs and couches. Don’t you worry; grandma’s silly pills are dissolving in her stomach. What I’m talking about is Yoink, the nipple hardening website and iPhone app that allows people to give/receive unwanted goods for free! Just chuck your shit up, and bam before you know it some cheapskate is at your door to collect it. And if you’re that cheapskate, well then get on the information superhighway buddy! It ranks your generosity too, so the more you give away, the more your ranking will impress the babes. I’m going to put a live infant on it.
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	People doing wacky things on the street: WHAT: FLIP ART WHEN: Fri Mar 12 – Sun Mar 14 WHERE: Around the City So apparently in 2013 Canberra is turning 100. Frankly, I don’t give a shit. I’m sure there are hordes of wilted old people who think Werther’s Originals are currency too, but not me. In lieu of it all, some bright cookie has pampered to my generation by testing out some acts on our streets – getting the wheels turning so to say. You may find yourself in a few weeks witnessing STALKER fusing hip-hop with a five meter catapult (yeah what? I’m there). You may also catch Dislocate, Chrome, Zimboyz, Circus Monoxide and Erth (to mention a few) and other snazzy circus, aerial street and physical theatre! Horses can’t vomit.
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