There’s something very nihilistic about males making films about lesbian vampires. Maybe it harks back to their school days – watching some cheerleader strut around, knowing she would destroy them if they ever put their film geek hands on her. This celluloid examination of the subject concerns the little English town of Cragwich. Cragwich labours under an ancient curse that turns all its female inhabitants into lesbian vampires on their 18th birthday. It’s also the choice holiday destination for Londoners Jimmy (Mathew Horne) and Fletch (James Corden). Cue tits and teeth. Corden is undoubtedly the more talented of the two with delivery and timing head and shoulders above his co-star. That’s not to say he quite pulls it off though. Much more time has been spent on dialogue than plot in this haphazard script. The two merely move from one spot to the next, then back again, accomplishing little along the way. Most of the time these locations are intended to show off pearls of wordplay or sight-gags, ranging from the superb to the very, very weak.The sex is, predictably, based on a lot of teasing. In the end the bulk of the lesbianism is about on par with what you’d see in the middle of a circle of footballers at Shooters. Some great lines, a few good set pieces and plenty of eye candy make this passable but that’s not what you want out of a film like this. Shlock horror needs to be either absolutely brilliant or groan-inducing. After all, the only real way to foil a lesbian vampire, is with ambivalence.
